The "who actually reads this" poll is officially over (for now anyway.) Thanks to all who participated. I appreciate you taking time out to read my ramblin...er, musings.

Speaking of which, this is an article I wrote a while back for the annual Sex issue of the Harvard Independent. I haven't actually read it in a while (including now-i just cut and paste :) but let me know what you think, if you have an opinion. Or if you just want to read (or skim) it, that's fine too (it's kinda long i guess).

I was generally a good kid growing up. I followed the rules, mainly for fear of getting in trouble, occasional lapses into peer-pressured shenanigans notwithstanding. Eventually, as my religious convictions grew, my behavior stayed fairly similar, bolstered by more compelling reasons than worry over being caught. Given my general reputation for goody two-shoeness and the fact that pretty much everyone in my town in rural South Carolina was at least nominally Christian, there wasn't really a stigma attached to not drinking, smoking, or cursing because of reasons based in faith. But there was one issue that I tended to skirt. That was the fact that I was saving myself for marriage.

Now, I'm no Super Christian (hmm, possible Saturday morning cartoon idea) or anything like that. I'm as sexually inclined as the average young adult. And, especially in high school, I felt the embarrassment that went along with being a male virgin. But, as much as I might have wanted there to be one, I have not found a convincing argument against what I see as clear rejections of premarital sex in the scriptures I believe convey the universally valid word of God. Of course, there are other areas in which such clearly held ideals have not prevented an occasional slip-up. Nevertheless, because sex is such a big deal, it is particularly important to me that I don't give in to temptation but uphold my faith in this particular area.

I know a lot of people don't share my beliefs about saving sex for marriage. Setting aside other issues (like current ethical and legal debates over who should or should not be allowed to marry), many people would argue that there is no rational reason why sex should be reserved for marriage. I won't try to make such an argument about why one should logically conclude that sex makes sense only in that context. My convictions are ultimately centered in my personal religious beliefs. If I weren't Christian, I sincerely doubt that I would have come to these conclusions. (Nor would I have even thought very deeply about what sex means, I imagine.) Many people who practice more liberal interpretations of Christianity don't hold these views. Nevertheless, I don't think that such an opinion about sex and marriage is invalidated because of its ultimate basis in religious teaching. Christianity is about faith. Though I may not fully understand the reasons behind all its tenets, I nevertheless trust their source. God is not arbitrary, nor does He require more than can or should be done by us, and He has our best interests in mind.

This in not to say that such beliefs are merely blind faith. While not necessarily conclusive from a secular standpoint, there are nonetheless valid non-religious arguments for why marriage makes sense as the place for sex. Marriage is a special institution (as is evident by the amount of passion being displayed by those on each side of the current debate over gay marriage), marked by an unparalleled commitment to be another person's mate and partner. Such a relationship entails great emotional intimacy and trust between these two people.

Likewise, sex is a very intimate act of unique physical union and closeness. To engage in sex with another individual means expressing an incredible amount of trust in one's partner, as you open yourself up to the potential of various types of harm. It therefore makes sense to save this act for the person you have deemed to be your confidant and partner for life, because you have concluded that he or she is indeed deserving of your trust; sex can be a symbol of the trust you share with him or her.

Of course, there are many people who place the level of commitment and trust necessary for sex at lower thresholds (a long-term relationship, an agreement of monogamy, or just some fondness for and attraction to the other party). Some take a simpler, "if it feels good, do it" approach to sex. Increasingly, this is becoming a dominant way of thinking in our culture. Things like hookups, casual sex, and friends-with-benefits are increasingly glamorized. Sex is just something that gives pleasure with little afterthought or responsibility. While there are individuals who are quite happy to live their sex lives this way and don't seem to harm themselves or others, I think that these loosening sexual practices have several negative consequences. First, the act of sex becomes less meaningful, vitiating a powerful means to express feelings of true love once it is found with another person. Second, I think such casual sex can contribute to a lessening of the value of interpersonal relationships more generally, as other people become more objectified as tools for personal pleasure.

Ironically, I also think that such moves towards making sex less important can actually achieve the opposite effect, making it overly important. As people become less restrictive concerning the appropriate contexts for sex, the pursuit of new sexual opportunities multiplies. Chasing new sexual partners and encounters becomes life's grandest pursuit. This can be seen through countless markers of pop culture like songs, movies, and television shows, which focus on the pursuit of sex and the extent to which individuals, especially young people, are willing to put all else aside and make fools of themselves in order to achieve a sexual encounter. One of the reasons I believe that Christian doctrines regulate or limit sex and other forms of gratification is to keep such things from becoming all-encompassing. Sex is supposed to be a pleasurable and desirable part of life, but not to the point of replacing its more important aspects.

It's easy to sound judgmental and holier-than-thou when espousing such views, but that is far from the case. I definitely understand the appeal of enjoying sex without guilt or inhibition. Though it may not be something I always discuss at the lunch table, I don't think that sex is fundamentally evil or dirty, as some religious people do, nor do I label people as such because they have different sexual norms from those I hold. I know and highly respect many people, both here and elsewhere, with differing views from mine. And now that unwanted pregnancies and STDs can be effectively prevented, sex has lost many of the more tangible dangers that once (sometimes) deterred individuals from having sex as much as they desired, lessening the need to examine the consequences before just going for it. There have definitely been times I've thought that life would be so much more enjoyable if I had only decided not to hold my particular convictions. Yet, I do hold these views as part of a larger faith. While I feel the reasons for waiting I have talked about above are persuasive, I don't expect them to convince everyone. In the end, I choose to wait until I'm married because I feel that my faith in and relationship with my God, and the eventual relationship I will have with my wife, are well worth the wait.