How is it that I have no motivation or attention span anymore. I mean really, I'm supposed to be an adult now, shouldn't I be able to sit down and do a problem set and not just procrastinate and check email every minute (almost literally) and everything else but what's productive. I mean really.

So the condom I inadvertently picked up (see several posts ago) made me think this morning about what I might teach my children about (safe) sex. I don't want to encourage my kids (boys or girls) to have sex outside of marriage, but I also don't agree with the idea that teaching them about safe sex and giving them straight facts (for instance, by not overemphasizing the failure rate of condoms, like some conservatives and/or Christian groups and parents tend to do in order to discourage premarital sex) will just encourage them to have sex, especially if the context in which you discuss these things is right. So I guess my stance is somewhere along the lines of "sex before marriage is bad bc of x,y, and z, but having that sex be unsafe is even worse." Hopefully that will work (or I'll find an approach that does). Given my own principle about not having sex outside of marriage though, I'm unlikely to have to deal much with this issue for some time.

So I'm growing a beard now. For the first 2 weeks or so it was just laziness/time constraints. then i got curious about how full it can get and how i will look with it. I've gotten mostly (though not all) positive comments. And honestly I prefer myself without it, but I figure if I'm gonna try it out why not now. Of course this is how i grew my afro in college, but i doubt the beard will go on for 2 1/2 years. We ll see.

I've heard rumors of people who practice something called time management. If you have information on these people or their methods, please inform me. It would be very helpful. Thank you.

Feeling better about the stuff involving the people.
Feeling amused that the above was so vague-at least one person should get it though.
Not feeling overwhelmed by work, despite it being a bit overwhelming.
Not feeling disappointed by the snow, even though I'm not really a fan of it.
Feeling grateful to God for everything.
Feeling that I don't feel grateful enough in general.

Cautiously optimistic that things will work out.

Above comment can be interpreted in several correct ways.

Went to a concert last night at the Middle East (not to be confused with the similarly named geographical region)-my roommate's band and a couple of hip hop acts. Good stuff.

So the other day I was in the subway station and a guy came and asked me how long I had been waiting. After answering him, he kinda continued talking to me, which was a little unusual as subway folk are usually pretty antisocial. In the midst of the conversation he casually pulled out an ID tag-thing that was clipped to his collar (not obviously in a way that suggested that he was trying to show it to me) that identified that he was a Mormon. So from chatting with him I found out that he was indeed a missionary who had been in Boston for almost a year. At the end of our conversation he gave me a card with a painting of Jesus and a number or website where I could order a video about Him. Hopefully anyone who knows me well wil see how this was kind of an interesting experience for me. I do admire the young man though-I wish we, and I, were that bold (about Jesus and in general).

So even though I don't like the term "my hormones are flaring up" (it sounds so middle school to me-sorry to my unnamed friend who says it), I can't think of a better way to say it at the moment. sigh.

In related news, there were some people passing out flyers for an event being held by the Harvard AIDS Coalition with what I thought were red ribbons attached on the back, but they turned out to be condoms

So I've been bad about the post everyday thing. Sorry, ya'll-i'll try to be better.
Let's see, what's going on nowadays.

Still seesawing (is that how you spell it) with the girl thing. I know in my mind what direction I want to go in (kinda) but am still trying to communicate that to the rest of me.

Feeling a bit better about schoolwork-it's a little less overwhelming now, and it looks like we're getting some breaks on our final exams/paper, so the first half of January shouldn't be as stressful/hectic.

Earthquakes and other natural disasters in lots of places-that's so not good. Makes me feel like I should read Revelations again-I haven't in a while.

Weather hasn't gotten too bad yet-I'm thankful for that as long as it lasts.

If I haven't talked to you in a while (other than through this blog, which I hope isn't a substitution for actual interaction) drop me a line in whatever medium you prefer (email, phone, cave paintings)-I'd like it ever so much.

Happy day after thanksgiving.
My roommate cooks a mean turkey and fixins. And he's not bad company either.




Still being thankful

So I realized that all my close friends in my Ph.D program (my "gov friends" as I call them) are women. I wonder why that is (see midsummer blog entries for relevant theories)

They're cute though, and really nice (and cute) so I'm not complaining.

Wondering if you will actually read this, she who's sister did not like to eat carrots.
if so, thanks

and of course thanks to you, you know who you are, for your continued readership (where continued means at least 2 times not counting this one). Even if you're dad isn't the new mayor, I still appreciate that you take an interest in my life, however boring it may be.

I like you guys.

Ok, that was a bit disturbing. So I was reading an article saying that Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, the terrorist leader in Iraq, might have been killed in a fight (there isn't yet any indication whether this is just a rumor or might actually be true). But the disturbing part was that one of my first reactions was to be happy at the news. Now I know that Zarqawi has been responsible for a lot of death and suffering of innocent people, but still, I don't think that we(I) should take joy in anyone losing their life. The Christian thing to do would be to pray for him (and of course for his past and potential victims), however distateful it seems. I'll try that now.

So am I really gonna finish all the stuff I'm supposed to do this semester? Perhaps.

Someone actually reads my blog! (or at least has read it once). Yay!

So I'm averaging about 1 meal of Mexican food per day. I thought that might be a bit unusual, but then realized that there is an entire country of people with a higher average. Plus Mexican food is really good.

so this morning i started thinking about interspacial dating but quickly stopped when I couldn't figure out what such a term would mean. I would like to explore it more-any ideas as to how I could define this new concept?

So I think I'm over it (her) and ready to move on.
It's cloudy today but that's alright.
I've also decided being a good person does not depend on being a good political scientist, though I'm not giving up on the latter just yet.

Letting God be in control.

Ok, so if you know there's basically no chance of you developing anything with someone beyond friendship, and that you probably don't actually want to develop anything else with them bc of different reasons, then why can't you just get over them?

Or maybe you can but you don't want to (or a part of you doesn't at least) bc it still has that masochistic, unrequited wallowing in your own misery feel that we often kinda like? Arg, so frustrating. Including bc it gets in the way of other (potential) relationships.
Sorry to continue harpong on this, however vaguely, in my last several posts. I'll try to be lighter (or at least move on to a different topic) but this has been particularly frustrating the past week or so. Oh well...I am actually decently happy in general, this part of life is just nagging a bit.

It could all be so simple.

Emotions are weird. If only we could choose who we liked, it would make things so much easier. But I guess that wouldn't be as much fun.

So my roommate came in to say hi to me last night and, having not seen him all day, I asked him what he had been up to. He then proceeded to tell me that he had actually been gone since Thursday :) and that he was in Philadelphia for work.

It also turns out that he has a brother and that he stayed with this brother during his trip (ok, so I did actually know he had a brother, but the gone since Thursday thing was still quite amusing to me, and hopefully to my roommate as well).

IS the such a thing as a rebound crush? Meaning, if you had a crush on someone but nothing came of it or was going to come from it, might you develop another crush on someone else as a way of getting over the first person, even though you never actually had anything with the first person? Trying to figure out if I'm in such a situation, and if so, what to do abut it. Should I try to pursue the new person even if I'm not yet totally over the old person, given that I know nothings gonna happen with the old person? Not that I know that anything will happen with the new girl, but it's still a possibility.

Party tonight was fun. Orange and fun. (it was an orange themed party). Still in the kind of fun imagining stage with my current crush. Trying to get over my last one still I guess (I thought I mostly was, and yet...)

Worried about coming on to strong with my current interest, who shall of course remain unnamed in this blog. By "coming on strong" I mean in terms of trying to push spending time with her and whatnot to a greater extent than our relationship might warrant.

Did that last sentence actually make sense? Basically I don't want to get on her nerves or push her away by trying to talk to/hang out with her all the time. Of coure my worry might be all in my head. Suggestions will be considered.

Survived the scary midterm (not survived as in passed, mind you, but as in got through it, and actually had some fun doing it). Today looks like a beautiful day, full of hope and opportunity and sunshine and little elves running around with cookies and gold.

No this isn't the sleep deprivation talking. My mind usually works like this.

it got like 30 degrees warmer since yesterday :)

Sure I'm inside studying for a midterm, but still, it makes me happy.

(btw, was in major "I Need a Girl" mode this morning, but I'm better now)

(btw, I don't like that song [or its remixes], however relatable the sentiment is. you may still like it if you choose to.)

That was a good extra hour. I hope I get another one next year.

Wait, I have to give this one back in the spring. :(

It's snowing. Snowing.

Got some major cramming to do in the next couple of days. Drop me a line if you happen to be reading this.

(ok, so I know this sounds like an away message and not a blog post, but i figured i should write something to keep you reading)

I'm ok with not succeeding with everything (everything=microeconomics). Seriously though, I've realized that, in the grand scheme of life, its not that important.

Am I a bad friend? I feel like I take more than I give in a lot of my relationships, and I've been kinda dropping the ball some with one friend in particular.

unexpected quality time rocks.

Not so tired anymore. But still running so to speak.

I am tired. Oh well, I still have figurative miles to go before I sleep.

Preface: My life is actually pretty good. The following complaints are all very minor in the grand scheme of things and in large part resulting rom my current tiredness (which is also not a big deal but tends to make me more sentimental/moody than usual)

Arg. I'm stuck in my usual "do i really like her?", "would she like me?" "should I tell her I like her?" "no, it's too soon", "how do I get to spend more time with her?" "do i still like this other person instead?" "why can't I just get over this other person-I know nothing will/should happen between us anyway" "can I still try to be better friends with her without causing myself to continue harboring these feelings?" etc. mode.

Exciting, ain't it
(and on top of it all I have a ton of work I need to do and very little motivation to do it, not to mention very little understanding of what I'm supposed to be doing anyway).

for some reason i really felt like I needed a hug yesterday (partially because I was tired) but did not come across any :(
Less hug needing today (though one would still be nice).

When you don't have enough time to do things, you're like "if only I had more time, I could get this done", but when you do have more time, you're like "I don't want to do this now." go fig.

After two or three horrible weeks of microeconomics, I was actually happy when the class shifted to probability. This I, kinda, understand.

Also, it was not freezing today, filling me with happiness. Tired happiness (I should really start sleeping more).

So the second year gov grad students threw a party for the first years. It was cool-got to meet a few 2nd years, talk with some fellow first years who I may or may not have interacted with much in the last few weeks, and generally have a good time.

Earlier that day, the roommates of one of the first years had a breakfast pancake party, which was very good from both a "wow, these are a lot of pancakes and they are really good" sense and a "hey, I like hanging with you guys" sense. So yesterday was a good day.

Numbchuck skills

Microeconomics-why did it have to be microeconomics

So I'm pretty sure I'm averaging significantly less sleep than I should be. Perhaps I should remedy that sometime.

So did anyone else get Columbus Day off, or are we special?

Pray for all those who have been killed, injured, impoverished, or otherwise hurt by the earthquake in Asia or by Hurricane Stan (or by any of the other disasters of late).

Don't just pray though-help them in whatever way you can.

After kinda bombing on schoolwork (especially microeconomics), I'm once again CAUTIOUSLY optimistic about actually being able to understand the material for my classes. Though I don't fully understand what I'm basing this assessment on.

Also having a few of my usual girl issues-you know how it goes.

In other news, I’ve been once again snubbed by the Nobel Prize committee (or whoever actually makes those decisions).

So I pulled my first all nighter of the year. That’s probably bad bc: 1. its only week 2, and I don’t want to get in the habit of doing that. 2. I still didn’t get all the answers to the problem set, and the ones I did write down are mostly just made up. 3. The set isn’t even graded, so I’m not sure why I cared so much, except that I wanted to learn the material well, but 4. I still don’t understand it. Sigh

It did facilitate a cool thing in class this morning. I was trying to take notes but drifting off every few minutes, only I’d do so while writing. So when I’d go back and read what I wrote, it would start off as the real material and then drift into whatever thought came in my mind as I started to doze-very stream of conscious style.

So I'm getting back into "thesis mode" with my sleep patterns (which baasically means cutting my amount of sleep by some large percent). That can't be healthy in the long run-i'lll have to learn "time management" as the kids say.

I also don't understand the stuff I'm supposed to be doing for my classes, but that's a different (though related) story.

Life is good.

DJ Afro Thunder is Back! And by that, I mean that I got to do a show on WHRB tonight(
Saturday). It felt good to be back on the radio again. Don't know if anyone listened besides the 3-4 people I told that I was gonna be onair, but still, good times.

Ok, i'm all rested up. Time to get crackin.

:) I got to see one of my most favoritest people in the whole wide world yesterday. :)

Need to learn time management, so as not to be up to some unreasonable hour doing an assignment and then being tired in class the next day and unproductive and generally blar-feeling. Blar is not the best feeling to have.

I can do this. Really, I can.

("This"=grad school)

So many classes, so little time. Eh, it's not that bad actually, but it is a lot of work. It=grad school

I so slept in the Gov Department building last night, and by last night I mean 5:45-7am. Good times.

So it's important to me that the girls I might date (and ultimately who I marry) be Christian of similar faith to me, but sometimes you (where by "you" I mean "I") find someone who isn't but is still very attractive in a number of ways, and though I still hold my principle strongly, it's hard to resist the temptation to make an exception or at least bend a lot. Well, I guess if it were easy it would not be as interesting.

Why do old habits die so hard?

Time to hit the books(yes, I know it's Saturday).

Wow. God is so amazing. A friend of mine just spent like 2 hours sharing all the things that He's done in her life in the last year, and it was truly amazing.

So I'm completely over my head when it comes to classes. Amd yet I continue...

Arg!

I got to see the president of Zambia yesterday! How cool is that (for those of you who don't know where Zambia is-southern Africa-it's still cool that I got to see the President of a country talk).

And apparently the professor I want to work with here is the leading Africanist in the country-sure, that title was bestowed upon him by one of his colleagues, but still, that's pretty cool as well.

"sometimes I feel like I don't have a partner..."





"It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him"-from Genesis 2:18

First day of classes. Will let you know how they went soon.

Is Sunday morning really all that easy? I guess maybe if you're not getting up early for church it might be. Still...

Sunday Afternoon on the other hand-so easy. I guess that wouldn't fit as well in a song though.

HRCF (Harvard-Radcliffe Christian Fellowship)is still great, upcoming classes are scary, seeing old/new friends is wonderful, waking up early even when I'm trying not to is not as fun, singleness is getting a bit old, having money is really cool, having bills is a bit less so, the responsibilities of sharing a house/apartment are manageable but a bit different than what I'm used to, roommates are cool, though I still need to get to know a couple of them better, long-distance friendships can work sometimes, trying to figure out if someone else likes you (platonically or otherwise) as much as you like them can be frustrating, getting signs that they do like you as much as you hoped they would feels good.

It seems to me that when bad things happen, people have a tendency of searching for someone or something to blame, at least in part, and that its cathartic to have someone to blame for what happened. I guess it helps to give some kind of meaning to what would otherwise seem to just be a random stroke of fate. I wonder if the government is playing that role following Hurricane Katrina. That isn't to say that anger at the response to Katrina isn't justified-they obviously messed up big time. But this crisis isn't like 9/11, where there was a clear and evil enemy to blame and rally against (al-Queda specifically, terrorism or Islamic fundamentalism more generally). The reaction to the governmental blunderings is of course not the same as the reaction to the terrorists, but i think it does still fill that "need" to blame someone in some way.

HRCF (Harvard Radcliffe Christian Fellowship) had an event for freshman Wednesday evening along with AACF (Asian American Christian Fellowship), and so I went to help out for a while. There were a lot of people from the two organizations there, so it was more hanging out and eating than work. It was really good to be back in that setting, seeing people I know who are still around as students or staff for HRCF. And a lot of freshmen showed up and seemed to have a lot of interest, so it went really well. God is good indeed.

I just got my first stipend check (with relocation bonus) and it's more than what I made all summer!-gotta love camp.

Trying to figure out classes, study habits, relationship (or lack thereof) concerns, and the usefulness of matrices ( besides providing titles to cool movies).

So we had an orientation today for grad students, which was kinda fun-since i went to college here already, but haven't seen it from the grad student perspective

I am getting a bit concerned about the upcoming semester, as I may be taking 2 math/economics heavy courses, and some of the people i thought would be with me may not take it.

I also ran into an old friend in Harvard Yard who is still an undergrad at the college. She had been out of the country for the last year and I didn't realize she was back yet until I saw her some yards away :)-God is good.

so a recent IM conversation reminded me that I am often funnier/wittier electronically than I am in real life. It's so much easier when you have a few seconds to think of what you want to say and see how it looks before saying it. Any way to do that in real life?

(Doing Probability in math camp today-it's so much fun compared to the computer stuff, which I'm not looking forward to having to do again the rest of the semester/year)

(and the freshman have moved in, so they're all over the place now-still trying to grasp the fact that the class of 09 actually exists-arg, getting old...)

So I've rediscovered that I don't like problem sets.

My computer came today! We did calculus on Saturday morning :(, but at least it wasn't the computer stuff we had been doing the previous two days :).

Also, I've been a bit annoyed that I'm starting to get blogger spam. I'll get a comment, often featuring some random news bit, then the "commenter" will say how he or she stumbled upon my blog and was gonna bookmark or remember it for later, but then they say I should check out their blog (and they provide a link), which is just advertising some product or something. Arg-spam emails I can live with, but spamming my blog-its like opening my diary and finding an advertisement (not that I keep a diary, but if i did...)

anyway

I've spent the morning battling the machines. And the machines are winning.

Round 4 starts at 1:30. So not looking forward to it.

So we had to do all this computer stuff today (thursday) for class; servers and LaTeX and that kind of stuff, and I'm not sure I can convey how lost I am with all of that. A good metaphor I thought of-it's like being asked to write a paper in a language you don't know. If you have a dictionary with you that translates, you can look up individual words and then type them, and you can get the grammar kinda right by constantly asking people who know the language, but you aren't really learning it. You might remember a few words after, but you cannot actually understand the language at all. Hopefully this stuff gets easier with practice.

Also, at lunch w/ several other grad students, the conversation turned to relationships. It was quite interesting. I've missed out on a lot of drama it seems-I have some catching up to do :)

So I'm excited about the idea of grad school, a little less so about some of the courses. I do want to take some of the substantive courses on topics i'm interested in, but there's also a lot of methods and whatnot (i.e. math and math related things) that I am not too into, though I know I need some of that stuff and want to learn it (even though I don't want to go through the process of learning it)

the math (p)refresher course went well the first day-they gave us the easy stuff like "what are real numbers", but I suspect its gonna get a lot more intense as time goes on. Got to see a lot of the other incoming Government grad students, which was cool, and we even have our own little clique going of people interested in similar activities. for some reason I'm the ony guy in said clique; go figure. Anywho, I should get going.

Sorry for the weekend break-I moved back up to the Boston/Cambridge area (Somerville to be exact) this weekend. Still need to figure out how to get my stuff up because I plan on having it mailed, but in my usual flash of brilliant planning, didn't take into account that I will have class most of the day and won't be around to accept deliveries. Alas, we'll figure something out, eh?

So Kanye West went off-script while appearing on a hurricane relief benefit last night. Visibly shaken because of the situation and struggling through his words, he, among other things, took the media to task for portraying blacks in New Orleans as "looting" when they took food from grocery stores but said that whites had "found" food at stores. Apparently there had been a story on Yahoo and other sites with two pictures, one of white people and the other of black people, that had captions which showed this bias-Yahoo took it down and apologized, as I understand it. Kanye also admitted his own slowness to react, saying he had gone shopping before donating, but now that he is aware of the severity of the situation he was getting on the phone with his manager to figure out the maximum he could donate. Standing next to commedian Mike Myers, who was obviously surprised by Kanye's remarks, he also lamented orders given to troops to shoot to kill if necessary, and made the statement that "George Bush doesn't care about black people"-after which NBC cut to another host, commedian Chris Tucker. NBC later released a statement saying Kanye's views in no way reflected those of the network and that it would be "most unfortunate" if efforts of millions of Americans to help were "overshadowed by one person's opinion"

To many, Kanye's remarks no doubt seemed inappropriate, and to many others, NBC's reaction to them were censorship. I am kinda glad that Kanye said what he said. I don't agree that Pres. Bush doesn't care about black people, but it has been obvious that the relief effort of the federal government has been quite flawed, and the questions raised about whether the race and socioeconomic status of the victims may have influenced the response, consciously or otherwise, are valid. Calling out the looting/surviving distinction and questioning the orders concerning the use of force against the hurricane victims was also warranted. Nevertheless, I also do not nec. think that what NBC did was wrong either. While Kanye's comments were (mostly) on point in my opinion, from the standpoint of the benefit organizers, it wasn't the time or place. Their purpose was to raise money and such potentially divisive comments, even if they were true or valid, might hurt that effort, which would be bad for the victims. I guess its a dilemma-I'm glad Kanye said most of what he said, but I don't think that the venue he used to say it was the right one, but I don't know where else he would have found such a proper venue to make those statements and have them heard as widely as they were last night. I guess Kanye and NBC were both doing the right thing, as they each saw it, though that caused them to cross purposes.

News report about the stranded people in New Orleans are calling them 'refugees'-makes you think...

And lots of people, including the mainstream news media, are being extremely critical of the relief effort, or lack thereof. I was talking with a friend of mine last night about how this is not like 9/11, where the emergency caused everyone to close ranks and rally together and mute any criticism of the government or leadership. Maybe it's because there's no human enemy who might strike again and who we need to band together against, maybe because the level of suffering and the lack of relief are so stark on TV (and in the minds of all of those who may have families or friends in the area); whatever the reason, it seems like there's a much more critical, honest reporting of what's really going on and what has been done wrong.

Camp people visited me! So one of the radio instructors (I'll call her Lia as she's from Australia) and the gym instructor (I'll call her Ain since she's from Britain) are in DC for a couple of days, so we met up, along with a friend that "Ain" met on her way to America who was working at another summer camp (I'll call her "2" since she's British too). It was good seeing them again, and "2" seemed really cool too. We ate at a California-named Mexican restaurant near Chinatown, then I accompanied them and about 25 other people staying at their international youth hostel on a tour of Georgetown. The tourguide figured out I was American but I don't know if he realized I wasn't actually staying at the hostel, though I don't think that should have mattered much. It was really good to hang out with them again-there both cool, chill people and I wish I had gotten more time with them at camp...hoping to see them again reasonably soon (and happy that I have friends to look up should I visit the UK or Australia).

Wow. I didn't imagine that Hurricane Katrina would be so bad. You hear about natural disasters in other parts of the world, but you don't think it can/will happen in the US, given our resources and ability to predict and prepare for these things. But now, as the death toll and level of damage are becoming known in the areas hit by the hurricane...wow.

I'm also concerned, as I tend to be, that the response to the hurricane will take attention and resources away from other needy places in the world. Not that we shouldn't contribute to hurricane relief (including bc one of the things that I'm starting to appreciate is that a lot of the area hit by the hurricane included some pretty poor parts of the country), but I think that such things tend to completely cloud out other issues going on in the world. The hurricane is being likened to the tsunami of last December, but I wonder if tsunami relief (which I already fear has long faded from the minds of Americans) will further decrease as people and companies and organizations (and maybe government?) divert attention and resources to hurricane relief instead. Or crises that we were just becoming aware of, like hunger in Niger-will we lose the focus that we started to have on these situations. And even when its not an issue of a direct tradeoff of resources, but just us not paying attention-for instance, apparently hundreds of people died in Iraq today in a stampede on a bridge that was started by rumors that a suicide bomber was about to strike. Normally this would be a huge story given the massive loss of life (its supposed to be the deadliest single incident since the war started), but having checked CNN its a relatively minor headline.

I don't think we should focus on other parts of the world to the detriment of our own country, but I so wish that it didn't have to be an either/or situation. If only we could focus on more than one thing at a time.

Should I get a driver's license? I know the short answer is yes, but how much of a priority should it be? On the one hand, I've gotten by without one and I'll probably be around good public transport for a while. On the other hand, getting by has left me reliant on other people for rides (particularly in SC or MD, but also in places like when i was at camp these last couple summers) and all things being equal, it would be nice to have the option of driving around places. And so many people do it, it can't be that hard can it? And girls dig guys with cars, right (it always comes back to that doesn't it :))?

Dentist appointment this morning. Yay!
Two camp friends coming to DC. Non-sarcastic yay!

So where should I take a Brit and an Aussie in our nation's capital? And would they mind me referring to them by their nationalities like that or should I, you know, actually call them their names?

I think I want to learn how to dance. Nothing too fancy, just a few basic steps. And I should probably learn to do some more club/party style dancing as well, as opposed to the one rocking from side to side thing that I do all the time now. If only I were coordinated...

By the way, how do people actually dance to techno; I haven't quite figured that one out yet.

So Kanye has a song out called "Diamonds", but the remix (and the video for the original) are titled "Diamonds (from Sierra Leone)", referring to so-called blood diamonds that were produced by child labor and sold by rebels who committed major atrocities in the west African country of Sierra Leone during it's civil war. I'm not sure yet how I feel about the song. It is nice that someone would pay attention to this problem, even if it is a few years late, but I don't know, something about it doesn't sit right...

So Pat Robertson is causing a big stir with his surprising and very nonChristian sounding comments to assassinate Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez.

On the surface, the outroar is very appropriate in my opinion. Christian leaders calling for the assassination of political leaders they don't like just doesn't go for me.

On the other hand though, he does have a point. Not about Chavez in particular-I think that Chavez not liking us and having a lot of oil is far from a capital offense ("ooo, they might not sell us their oil-let's kill him!"). I don't think Communism is a big threat to us nowadays, and I'm not sure where the Islamic terrorist link is supposed to come from.

In general though, Robertson does have a point about killing a leader vs. starting a war. I'm still undecided whether Christianity completely forbids any kind of violence/killing including military action (which, if it does, would definitely contradict Robertson's notion). But if you do allow that Christianity allows military action under certain circumstances (self-defense perhaps, or protecting innocent lives), then, should such circumstances arise and a choice present itself between starting a war and merely taking out an evil leader, then the latter seems by far to be the lesser of two evils. A policy of assassination is not a good idea generally, but if it is a choice between killing one person and starting a war that will kill hundreds or thousands and cause lots of other suffering and cost lots more etc, then just taking out the one actual bad guy at the top seems like a relatively good idea.

It is interesting that, of all the people that such an argument could actually apply to (there are lots of dictators and bad rulers out there causing tons of suffering to their people and others), Robertson chose to aim this assassination doctrine at Chavez, who was popularly elected and whose main crimes are that he says bad things about the US gov and threatens to cut off oil. Makes you wonder about our priorities.

Just a reminder that comments are much appreciated (I like to hear your feedback, and they let me know people are actually reading this)

So I really enjoyed camp but I didn't like some of the things it "did" to me. For one, I ended up having to compromise my moral code* in order to finish a project there. I'm kinda disappointed in myself, especially since I had to do the same thing last year and should have known better than to get myself back into that situation.

Also, I felt as though the atmosphere, though good in a lot of ways (and filled with some good people) started to rub off on me in some bad ways. Like my attitude toward girls or like getting annoyed/angry at people and being close (well close for me anyway) to snapping at people and/or using non-Christian language. I also think it might have impaired my relationship with God, between being busy and not going to church a lot or having a lot of time for Bible, prayer, plus the stuff I've already mentioned above.

I liked camp, but didn't completely like the kind of person I was (or was edging closer to being) when I was there, if that makes sense.

*Note-I've been told that stuff like "compromise my moral code" was a bit vague, which I kinda intended it to be. Without being very specific, it was one of those things that many people do and don't have any moral qualms about but that I do not do in my real life. Think Jaywalking, but a bit more serious. As this is still very ambiguous, ask me if you want to know exactly what I'm talking about and I'll tell you-I just didn't want to post it on the internet (not that I think anyone would actually get in trouble for it, but I am a bit paranoid I guess)

Usually I don't strongly miss people after we part. It's like I dread the parting beforehand (or at least don't look forward to it) but then when it actually happens its more of a blankness than an actual emotion. But now I'm really missing people now that I've left camp. Some folk in particular I'm missing individually, but also missing the place as a whole. I dunno-I guess it was like camp was its own little world and I had my place in it and now that world is gone and I'm left to float and wow this all sounds kinda deep doesn't it?

It also has me missing people from other times in my life, like school or previous summers. I'm headed back to school in a couple weeks, which will be good (as I get to reunite with many old friends and some newer ones), but I also think that its gonna be different now that I'm in grad school. It's more like the real world (compounded that I'm not living in a dorm but in an apartment, although with some really cool folk), and I've found that I enjoy nonreal worlds (dorm life, camp) to the real world (though being on the MTV show of that name might be cool).

It's also cloudy outside.

I did buy some new music though, which makes me happy :)

In Limbo-not at kamp any more, not back at school yet.

I'm really going to try to keep in touch with camp folk. Wow, I'm actually missing you guys. I guess we had some Good Times (yes, I do say that a lot-I know). I actually got kind of close with some people this time around, as opposed to last year when I went with one of my best friends (hey Dub) and so mainly hung around him and folk he knew. At least now I have friends in places like Australia, the UK, Philadelphia (or close to it at least), Indiana, etc. So if i'm ever taking a weird rode trip in my amphibious car, I can stop by and see all of ya'll.

Oh, and the unofficial MBPC (Maine Black People Count) for this summer was 105, about 10-15 more than last year. We're taking over!

Back home for a couple week before going off to school. Got to hang out with my current and former roomie(s) and some camp people over the weekend. There are some people that I'm really missing. Alas. I do at least get to see some family while I'm home.

Camp's over :( The kids left yesterday morning, and staff have started to leave today. There were a lot of goodbyes that weren't really goodbyes because you aren't sure when people are leaving so you say goodbye to them but then see them around for another half hour and its awkward. Gotta love those-it takes the sting out of parting. Off to Boston tomorrow for a few days, then back home to pack up and head back to school-oh boy, i have to take a math course. kinda scary

Anyway, parting is such sweet sorrow, or so I've heard on tv.

Ok, so I've pretty much established that I am actually over the girl that I thought was attractive but wasn't really into otherwise. That makes me fell good-perhaps I'm less shallow than I feared.

I'm pretty sure I'm mostly over the girl I actually did have a little crush thing going for (though it wasn;t really that much of a crush compared to others I've had in the past). I still find her attractive (physically and personalitywise) in a weird, "she's-so-opposite-of-me" kind of way, but I'm not harboring a thing for her anymore.

I still kinda like the third girl, but its a bit strange bc its not exactly a crush. It kinda sits on that border between friendship and romance that I often find myself on, but I really think I could be really cool just being good friends with her (which I hope happens, despite the geographical distance we're likely to have post-camp).

Ok, should do some work now-hope you've enjoyed installment 387 of my heart's ups and downs

Yay, so I think I'm over two of the three girls (see below). Details soon.

(continuation of previous post)
Camp does weird things to you. Like as you know, I've never been one into having flings or anything like that. And I came to camp totally like 'there's no way I'm starting anything with anyone here' since I'm not going to see them again (or at least not very much) after we leave. And I didn't start anything with anybody, but the appeal of doing so definitely grew after a while. I dunno, being in this bubble (speaking of which, actual bubbles are flying by my window now, but that's a different story) changes your perspective on things, and it can be kind of isolating, making you crave some companionship. Now that we have a week left though, I am kinda glad that I didn't become ivolved with someone because now I don't have to do the whole goodbye thing with them, but I do still kinda have that whole "what could have been?" thing going on in my head as well. :) sigh

Aarg, such a dork.

So you know how usually there's some girl that I kinda get interested in and then I develop like a big crush but then nothing comes of it and its this whole emotional rollercoaster (a good song, by the way; as is "rollercoaster of love", which I think is actually called "love rollercoaster"). Well this summer was slightly different. I think it was because I couldn't figure out who I "should" like that instead of one girl, there were kinda three that I was kinda interested in in different ways. There was one who I think really "should" have been my crush, not that anything would have come of it, but various circumstances kind of ruled her out. There was a second one who I was just physically attracted to but I know I wouldn't really click with personalitywise; plus she's seeing someone anyway, so I'm glad I got over her. There was a third person who I do like despite being very different from, but I discovered recently that she is seeing someone as well, so that won't pan out. Not that I necessarily wanted it to pan out in the first place, as I will probably explain tomorrow.

Dude, that's like 3 girls. I feel so emotionally promiscuous. What is happening to me? I've become such a horrible person (don't worry, I don't actually think that makes me a horrible person, but still...). Such a dork.

("Roller-coaster, of love, yeah! Roller-coaster, of love!")

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (the new version) is weird. and funny.
Has Johnny Depp ever played a normal character?

So I've discovered I've developed somewhat of a paternalistic instinct for my staff (Dude, I have a staff!), which is interesting since some of them are older than me. One of them had to leave yesterday, and I felt really bad, bc he was good at his job and bc I didn't get to say goodbye. Plus, I actually like them all, him included, so its kinda sad not having him around. Some other staff members were pretty bummed about it too, which in turn makes me feel bad for them. alas

Aargh-i have to take a crash math course in a month and I haven't studied. If only I knew some people who were good at math...

Also, saw a few minutes of the show "Numb3rs" last night, about a young math wiz who helps his federal agent brother solve crimes. How come none of my math friends do that? Or do they...?

Sorry about the infrequency of my posts

P.S.
Hi Mexican Muse!